Next SteaKnight Location Changed!, 01.18.2007

Ruth's Chris Steakhouse
1601 Van Ness Ave
San Francisco, CA 94109
7 PM

SteaKnight Date and Location provokes a topsy-turvy affair

As the Knights return to the high end of SteaKnight for the sixth gathering, the scheduling has proven to be one of the most controversial yet. It all began with our esteemed president and founder sending out an utterly baffling email that had two different dates. The first was the date of the email (1.4.2007) and the second date was for 1.18.2007, the third Thursday of the month, the date on which SteaKnight was normally held. If the gates of the Internets could be rent asunder by sheer volume and passion it surely would've fallen on this date. Was SteaKnight to start in 5 hours two weeks early or was it to be on the normal date? The quandary is obvious; the solution not so much. After a baker's dozen worth of emails our president stepped in to clear the fog. SteaKnight was not to occur in 5 hours with no prior notice. It was, in fact, to be held on its normal night...1.18.2007.

But that was not to be the only controversy enveloping this SteaKnight. JM brought it to the attention of the group that January is "Dine about Town" month in our esteemed city. The attraction is that one can get an appetizer, main course and dessert for the all-too-reasonable price of ~$30. While our original location, Morton's, was not sponsoring the promotion, it appeared that Ruth's Chris Steakhouse was. Being that Ruth's Chris was also on our list of future visits, it seemed too good of a deal to pass up and in true diplomatic fashion the general consensus was quickly established that the venue should be changed!

The boys should be lauded for avoiding this near meltdown in process as they eagerly anticipate yet another high-end evening as a group.

Next SteaKnight location, 01.18.2007

As SteaKnight is a tradition, so too is the preamble:

I've noticed a lot of new names on this email distribution, which means that some of you are talking about SteaKnight…allow me to review:

1. The first rule about SteaKnight is that we don't talk about SteaKnight .
2. The second rule about SteaKnight is we DON'T talk about SteaKnight.
3. And if it's your first time, you have to eat Steak.

SteaKnight is usually the third Thursday of every month. We alternate High-End, Low-End. This month is High-End at Morton's, The Steakhouse.

Location: Morton's, The Steakhouse, 400 Post Street, Lower Level, San Francisco, 94102 (between Mason and Powell on Post in Union Square)
Date: Thursday, 01/18/07

Time: To be determined based on your responses

RSVP required: Yes, as soon as possible, so I can get a reservation

Special notes: Carpooling would be a good idea

SteaKnight: Sixth Night

Your correspondent was the first to arrive at Bullshead for the low end affair in West Portal. Our table had been lovingly prepared for us ahead of time and when I mentioned the party of 8 they seemed to be eagerly anticipating our arrival.

Arrive the rest of the Knights did! RMD and MPH were delayed due to a rather ambitious police arrest that barred their route but they eventually wound their way to the gathering. We had a new Knight in our midst, FH, so a hearty welcome was due to the latest member of this illustrious club.

Some of the best tales to emerge every SteaKnight are, much like the Golden Age of superheros, how many of us have to lead double lives to keep our SteaKnight identities and attendance a secret. There were, once again, more tales of deception, white lies, deflection and misdirection in order to attend this special night. MPH appears to be particularly subjected to interrogation but, as always, parries the inquiries effortlessly. Bravo chap!

A discussion of the next night (high end) then ensued. As always, there were many options but the Knights were unable to arrive at a decision. Generally we put ourselves under the able guidance of our founder and he has yet to steer us wrong.

His gift and personal purchases are quite another thing. We quickly moved on to a discussion as to whether a purchase of these would be a good idea. Although not entirely unlike the brilliant invention of Prell (shampoo and conditioner in one!), most of the lads dissuaded HEB from the purchase until such time as we can establish a clubhouse with our SteaKnight dues.

Our waitress soon arrived and we received a bit of foreshadowing as to our order accuracy. The menu was admittedly infused with many options, but it seems that everyone ordered something a bit different and the numerous followups to clarify the order didn't instill faith in anyone that the order would be correct.

Miraculously, when the orders began arriving, all were correct with the exception of ATM's. While he patiently awaited the correction, we discussed the merits of buffalo steaks, which many of the Knights had chosen to order. According to the menu, Native Americans, had they had proper dental care, would've lived to be several hundred years old with their buffalo-centric diet. While some of our more knowledgable Knights took umbrage with this statement the buffalo proved to be tasty despite the questioning of its ability to bestow superhuman longevity.

While ATM's buffalo proved to be long in coming, the conversation certainly continued to be a welcome diversion. It involved but was not limited to:

• ATM told us that robbing a bank is not a good way to get money if you want to keep it. This caused the Knights to discuss all the various ways that one can get caught robbing a bank. There are many.
• Bowl game discussion. Many of the Knights hold football as a mistress to steak and therefore the conversation was heated as to the probable bowl outcomes on the college circuit.
• Classroom pranks became a hot topic at some point. HEB mentioned that the best prank he had ever heard of was turning a classroom into an aquarium through judicious use of saran wrap. A chorus of doubters then responded with the impossibility of this prank. HEB admitted that he hadn't seen this first-hand and it might've been an urban legend.
  
• The subject of letterman's jackets was resurrected from a previous SteaKnight. The idea is to get a jacket in a color corresponding to how one likes their steak prepared. Your humble correspondent would have to opt for a pink jacket due to his proclivity for salmon.

ATM finally got his steak although there was still some doubt as to whether the order was truly correct. Given the fact that the other Knights were almost done with their meals, he opted to plow through what he claimed was definitely not buffalo. Perhaps he can make up for it on the dental care side?

Dessert was in the form of a whimsical gummy (strawberry) steak...a gift to the boys from a mysterious Princess Veal!

The Knights adjourned to the Philosopher's Club where RMD conveyed a jovial tale about a late night in which he descended some of the more ambitious of San Francisco's numerous hills in an office chair as he made his way home. While the Knights didn't have an available office chair, they eventually drifted off into the night at the conclusion of yet another successful night.





Attendees:
HEB (sixth Knight)
STB (fifth Knight)
RMD (fifth Knight)
ATG (fifth Knight)
ATM (third Knight)
MPH (fifth Knight)
JB (fourth Knight)
FH (first Knight)

Total bill: $273.85

Next SteaKnight location, 12.14.2006

As SteaKnight is a tradition, so too is the preamble:

I've noticed a lot of new names on this email distribution, which means that some of you are talking about SteaKnight…allow me to
review:

1. The first rule about SteaKnight is that we don't talk about SteaKnight .
2. The second rule about SteaKnight is we DON'T talk about SteaKnight.
3. And if it's your first time, you have to eat Steak.

SteaKnight is usually the Third Thursday of every month. We alternate High-End, Low-End. This month, due to the impending holidays, we have decided to do SteaKnight on the second Thursday of the month. This month is Low-End at Bullshead Restaurant.

Location: Bullshead Restaurant, 840 Ulloa Street, San Francisco, 94127 (near West Portal)
Date: Thursday, 12/14/06
Time: 7:30pm

RSVP required: Yes, so I can get a reservation

Special notes: Carpooling would be a good idea

SteaKnight: Fifth Night

As always, the lads arrived at the Harris Steakhouse in fits and starts, with your humble correspondent and HEB coming together and ATG standing at the door drenched in a generous amount of sweat, as if he had taken a shortcut through Khe Sanh to get there. The three took a quick party starter at the bar while enjoying the excellent service and the gentle jazz. Soon the rest of the lads arrived and the Fifth Night of SteaKnight was ready to commence.

It didn't take long for the conversation to escalate into a logical tempest of uncommon ferocity that would've made Socrates and Plato proud to have been in attendance. First up for debate was the always pertinent topic of where next month's SteaKnight (a low end night, of course) would be held. Sizzler was at the top of the list until it was struck down by a single statement as if from the great beyond by none other than Johnnie Cochran. It came to be known that Sizzler doesn't serve beer, a major transgression of the unwritten yet well understood code of SteaKnight. As is often the case when intense debate takes place between cunning politicians, the conversation ended in a stalemate with the next location still to be decided.

The group quickly moved on, pondering the noteworthy question of what to do if we all become quite rich someday (not a far fetched possibility by any means) and every steakhouse becomes a low end place due to our extensive means. While not a current issue, it is certainly something that must be considered as we move through our numerous engagements.

As we pondered some of the large of life's unknowns, our waitstaff came for our orders. The service the lads were enjoying was quite good, yet still a bit of a step behind Dimaggio's but entirely acceptable and, were there no high bar of comparison, exemplary. Most opted for a traditional steak (yours truly opted for the wild salmon) but MPH opted for the ultimate high end experience; that of the elusive Kobe style beef at the no small feat price of $75!

While the kitchen staff prepared the orders, the rich tapestry of conversation at SteaKnight ensued. For SteaKnight is not entirely about the ritual of the steak, but also the primitive thirst for male conversation as our forefathers and their fathers before them gathered around teammates, generals, turning points in history and before that simple campfires in the name of male companionship and tale-telling.

In no particular order, the Knights discussed:

• MPH's cooking speed date. The review of the experience was average. It seems the organizers didn't put enough emphasis on meeting a decent number of the lasses in attendance, thereby limiting the abililty to contact ladies of interest after the affair. Nevertheless, we all wish him luck in his pursuit.
• Much to the delight of many Knights, the Borat movie has been released. Several of the Knights in attendance viewed the movie together shortly after release and they all generally agreed that the movie was incredible and grew in hilarity in direct proportion to one's contemplation about the movie.
• RMD has secured the date and location for his stag night which will, of course, take place in June before his planned nuptials in August.
  
• The Knights had a particularly "hot" topic of acceptable ex-girlfriend behavior. We all considered it unacceptable that MPH had a picture of his long-time ex-girlfriend up in his room despite the fact that he is a very talented photographer and it is one of the best pictures that he ever took. Most agreed that inspiring a certain amount of jealousy in an ex is appropriate and doesn't violate the code of a gentleman.
  
• It appears that ATG has a new ladyfriend in his sights and has been making numerous trips to southern California to attend to her. Despite his downplay of the situation, the general consensus was that this is a serious affair and they are a committed pair.
  
• At some point the Knights discussed a very intriguing topic: the difference between a homosexual experience and being homosexual. Of course, the general litmus test would be the recipient of the penetrator (the purse), but there are also various forms of desires and other types of hanky panky that most Knights would consider crossing the proverbial line. Your humble correspondent's extreme fandom for Freddie Mercury never came up but perhaps should have.
• The predinner conversation also involved a thorough critique of the Superman movies. It was generally agreed that 3 wasn't worth a wipe but 1 and 2 were solid. The jury was somewhat out on Brian Singer's latest incarnation of the Man of Steel but the plurality in attendance gave it good words.

Despite the continuing conversation, one can't hold back a good steak with mere words. The meals came with a bit less aplomb than Dimaggio's but still in good time. All considered their steaks excellent and your most loyal correspondent's salmon was true devilry; it was so mouth wateringly delicious yet so well presented the quandry of letting it sit to appeal to the visual sense was directly opposed by the desire to present to the palatte. In time, the palatte won for all.

That is, until MPH felt that his Kobe-style steak was too well done. After several attempts he was able to finally flag down the waitstaff, who stood by our Knight in his assessment of the preparation, telling our good man that it was far too expensive of a steak to be presented in a manner less than expectations. MPH was presented with a new steak gratis; kudos to Harris and the waitstaff in particular for being so genial about the affair.

The meal concluded in less financial disarray than Dimaggio's and some of the Knights tapered off toward Polk for a nightcap. It was another solid high end night and proves that SteaKnight continues to gain momentum and grow better with age.

Those in attendance:
HEB (fifth Knight)

RMD (fourth Knight)

ATG (fourth Knight)

STB (fourth Knight)

JLM (third Knight)

MPH (fourth Knight)

Next SteaKnight Location, 11.19.2006

As SteaKnight is a tradition, so too is the preamble:

I've noticed a lot of new names on this email distribution, which
means that some of you are talking about SteaKnight…allow me to
review:

1. The first rule about SteaKnight is that we don't talk about SteaKnight.
2. The second rule about SteaKnight is we DON'T talk about SteaKnight.
3. And if it's your first time, you have to eat Steak.

SteaKnight is the Third Thursday of every month. We alternate
High-End, Low-End. This month is High-End at Harris' Steakhouse.

Location: Harris' Steakhouse, 2100 Van Ness Ave. (at Pacific), San
Francisco, 94109
Date: Thursday, 11/16/06
Time: 7:30pm (depending on the numbers)
RSVP required: Yes, as soon as possible so I can get a reservation
(Time is based on number in our group.)
Special notes: RSVP as soon as possible

SteaKnight: Fourth Night...The SteaKnight that was?

Due to circumstances somewhat beyond my control but certainly within my style, I found myself entirely out of bounds and lurking around the backstreets of Tokyo during the all-important Fourth Night. Due to the absence of an offical report from any attendee, I've been forced to surmise based on a scant collection of innuendo, supposition and various tattle. Being a low end night, it appears that the lads arrived at RMD's house in various states of marinade. Some had taken the marinade as a serious mistress, devoting time, research and dedication to the process. Others had taken the slapdash approach of a one-night marinade stand. Regardless, the night turned out as a middling do-your-own affair and your humble correspondent cannot help but think that the lack of a present recorder lent to the nature of the evening. For, a peacock struts for the glory of others, not for itself, does it not?

Attendees:
JLM (second Knight)
HEB (fourth Knight)
RMD (third Knight)
MPH (third Knight)
JB (third Knight)
ATG (third Knight)
ATM (second Knight)